Just a little update...

So, it's the night before I go to somewhere in the Savoie region of France for the ski camp!!!  Never been skiing before in my life, so I am both excited and nervous to try it. Surprisingly enough, I'm not nervous about having to communicate in French the whole week (at least not at this point), so that's encouraging :)  Hopefully that will continue throughout the week. I went to the McDaniel's Thursday evening and spent the day there and am now at Mimi's (using her computer to post - having a tad bit of difficulty getting used to the different keyboard organization, but it's coming along...) for the night. She'll take me to Gare de Lyon tomorrow at 12:15 and I'll leave at 1:30 (I think) with at least two other people going to the camp.

Now, for the news we've been waiting for since Friday - or in actuality since December... 

SCAN RESULTS: inconclusive. Need to get an MRI. 

Not feeling too down about that - very greatful Mimi is here to help me with everything though. Makes a huge difference in my stress level. Don't have an appointment for my MRI (called IRM in France) as of now, so I will keep you all updated on that as things develop.

Now, for some thrilling news wholly unrelated to me (other than it being about a beloved cousin). Rachel's engaged!!!!!!! I'm just ecstatic! Yay! I'm sure that getting this news on the same day that I got my scan results helped with not feeling too disappointed. And I am assuming that it's okay to post this now, since it's posted on Facebook. Congrats Rachel!!

Till I'm done frolicking in the snow...

Curried Cauliflower Soup

I assume there is some curiosity about last Thursday... It went pretty well, for the most part. The youngest wasn't too fond of me in the morning, so the oldest helped get her up and as ready as possible. Since she wouldn't let me change her, I packed her clothes for the day and took them with us to her nounou's. It was raining heavily, and we couldn't get her feet in her boots (she had footsies on her pjs) so I had to carry her. She fussed and kicked at first, but eventually calmed down. Whether that was because I wasn't responding to her fussing or if she recognized where we were going, I haven't a clue. As soon as we dropped her off, the older two kids and I rushed to their respective schools, and thankfully we were not late. I collected the middle girl for lunch and we ate, played hide and seek, and she played with my hair until it was time to go back to school. The afternoon was a bit shaky. The youngest was not happy to see me when I picked her up at 5:30. Her nounou tried to talk her into not crying, and she stopped, until we were out of site of her house. Then she cried for about 30 or 45 minutes, but once we got back to the house (after getting the oldest) she was just fine. She stopped crying, talked to me, played with me, let me hold her, ate her food. I even got her to change into her pj's and brush her teeth, (though she wouldn't let me change her diaper). Then papa came home, so I didn't need to get her to bed (thankfully). The next morning was back to normal, but at least I had one good evening :)

Friday morning, Tim and I met Mimi and I went with her (we did some shopping and I got two new jackets!). My scan was that morning, but we won't have any results until sometime this week. Not sure what I'm hoping for. Thankfully I've got some distraction coming up. I get to help with the ski camp!!! I'll leave this Saturday and it lasts 5 days. Not entirely sure of the details, so I'll just have to share after the fact :)

A couple of weeks ago I made a delicious curried cauliflower soup (link to recipe below). As I don't have an oven, I didn't bake the cauliflower, just sauteed it. I also don't have a way to puree anything, so it wasn't a smooth soup, but I preferred it that way. I made it a bit too spicy (even for me) mostly because I made the thai curry paste from scratch and didn't do such a good job at measuring. But it was oh so good. 

http://cookieandkate.com/2013/curried-cauliflower-soup/

Well, won't have internet access for a bit, so till I do :)

A change of spirit

Yesterday was an extremely difficult day. In fact, if felt similar to some Sunday's after my DC experience, except without my grandmother's shoulder to cry on, my aunt to hold me in another room, or my parents to lean on. That makes it quite a bit more difficult to hold the tears at bay, but I did it. Granted, I was on the verge of tears several times, and I think at least one person thought it was because I was having difficulty understanding, but, no. That wasn't it. Actually, it had nothing to do with church and everything to do with a two year old. Fancy that, reduced to tears by a two year old. Yup, that's a difficult pill to swallow. Made all the more difficult, of course, by the fact that there is another two year old in France who really likes me and I didn't see her that weekend. I would never claim to be 'wonder woman' when it comes to children (that's the domain of my sister), but kids usually, eventually, like me. And I can handle a difficult child. But not this one. No, this one hated me - or at least that's what it felt like. I couldn't even look at her without her turning away and beginning to fuss - just a teensy-weensy stab to the heart, that was.

Before I continue, I should lay out what might be going through this little girl's mind...
1. I arrived Wednesday afternoon and Thursday morning, mama was gone (on a school trip lasting 8 days).
2. I sit in mama's seat at the table and in the car, not mama.
3. I come to pick her up at her nounou's (home daycare sitter - and sp anyone?), not mama.
4. I can't speak French well, so she can't understand me well.
5. I'm a stranger. How can I have authority over her?

Needless to say, even if she didn't show signs of the stereotypical terrible twos, that would warrant enough for her to be wary of me. And even though I've seen her fuss (and by fuss, I do mean throw tantrums, or near tantrums) for many other people and I recognize all those uncertainties she could be feeling, she still reduced me to tears. How is that? Well, I think she became the trigger, setting loose the torrential flood of emotions being cooped up (many of which I wasn't consciously aware of till now). Here are a few compounding issues that come to mind (after some reflection and conversation with Mimi).
1. This is the first weekend I haven't been at the McDaniel's since I've started working with the Semailles (I should really start calling it Grain de Blé France or GDBF, since that is the new name). And though I'm doing well and it's not a bad change, it is a change.
2. I'm used to seeing two children who really like me every weekend, and here it's a bit different.
3. I had expectations of this going differently, so I'm mourning those expectations.
4. This whole week has been different, with coming to Timothée's. Again, that's not a bad change, but it is a change.
5. I have my scan on Friday, and while it was a long way off, I could push it to the back of my mind, but now it's nearly here.
6. Getting close to my sixth month marker, and that's typically a time that culture shock presents itself anew.
7. It's the tail-end of a monthly fluctuation in hormones.
8. I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to communicate well.
There may be more, but this is all I'm aware of at this point in time.

Today seemed to be going a bit better - I felt better at least (aside from being embarrassed about letting Tim see me cry - kkheeah - I know it's human and healthy, but I hate the vulnerability crying entails. And I want to be a counselor. If I can't accept my vulnerability, how will I help others accept their's?), until we got the youngest from her nounou's and she still didn't like me. I wanted to cry anew, and was again barely holding it together. I had thought through how to handle situations with her, but they weren't working and I was freezing up. Supper time went a bit better (oh, btw, we had escargot yesterday and raclette today) and after dinner she seemed to be a tad bit less wary of me. I don't know what happened but soon after that, something seemed to click. I just felt better. And, in turn, she seemed to feel better about me. Huh... we'll see if this lasts, but even if she decides to not like me again, if I can continue to hold on to this change within me, I think I'll be alright :)

And, I apologize to all those who dealt with me when I was a child. I wasn't difficult (at least, according to my parents), but I didn't like new people or situations. And, I wouldn't fuss, per say, I would just hold everything in until it burst forth on it's own - kind of like I still do a lot of the time...

Driving, teaching and random experiences

Un grand remercier à tous pour mes "joyeux anniversaires."  A big thank you to all for my "Happy Birthdays." I had a wonderful birthday weekend, dividing my time between the McDaniel's and Mimi's. Friday, I arrived at the McDaniel's a bit earlier than usual and got to settle in before the Shield's (another family from the school) came for dinner. We had a delightful evening of conversation and food, the children playing together with ease. The next day, Anna came over for lunch and we had fajitas and cake. I received some cards and Ferrero Rocher chocolates from the McDaniel's (all unexpected). Later that afternoon, Mimi m'a cherché et on a mangé et après on a fait du shopping. Mimi picked me up and we had a late lunch, while sitting and catching up. We then drove over to Belle Epine for some shopping :)  It's the winter sales in France, so all of last season's collection (at least, what was left) was on sale. I bought a few things, Mimi bought a few things, I picked a few things out that became my birthday presents... There's something rather pleasant about walking up to a checkout line and having someone take them from you, saying "For your birthday." This happened a couple of times throughout the afternoon. I ended up with two pairs of pants, a sweater shirt, two rings, a set of earrings, a necklace, and GLOVES!!!! Mimi spotted a perfect pair of gloves in one of the stores, and as I've been having some trouble finding what I wanted, this made the evening especially delightful. Yes, they are a cobalt-y blue leather set, AND they have a knitted section attached to the base that can be used as an arm-warmer, or turned up over the hands for an extra layer of warmth (It stops at the base of the fingers and has a slit for the thumb). The stores began closing at 8, so we headed over to the restaurant section of the mall for dinner. Below is a picture of one pair of pants that I bought (sorry, no other pictures of my purchases/gifts).

One of my new pairs of pants - Mimi has the same ones, so now we can match!

Sunday I went to church with Mimi and after we ate lunch out in this pleasant little hole-in-the-wall, that ended up having a much nicer ambiance than expected and very delicious food. After returning to Mimi's we went for a walk, relaxed a bit, and then I went back to the McDaniel's for the evening/night.

The beginning of the week went as usual - arrived back at the office Monday afternoon, worked Tuesday and Wednesday and organized/packed my things for a week and a half (possibly more, not sure yet) at Tim's. His wife is away this week with her students (skiing!) so I'm helping with the kids. They have three children, the youngest is 2, but I'm not sure how old the oldest is - 8 or 9 perhaps? None of the children really speak English, so between my broken (and badly pronounced French) and the 2 youngest's children's occasional nearly nonsensical mumbling, we have had some discouraging lack in ability to communicate, as well as some ridiculous moments ;) It's not too distressing, but I will have them to myself for a day next week and that might get a bit interesting - getting them up and ready for school, collecting them from school, preparing dinner, and putting them to bed. The two oldest won't be too difficult (I hope), but the youngest is still in the stage where she wants her mom and/or dad all the time, so that one might get a bit interesting. For instance, today I collected the kids from school/daycare, starting with the youngest. She was fine while getting her sister, but once we got to the oldest's school, she decided she wanted papa and I would NOT do. I don't ever want to experience a child running away from me toward cars coming down a road ever again, even if it does mean restraining (as loosely as possible) a kicking, screaming child. Poor little girl. I don't remember being that age, but as I was a very shy child, I can imagine the duress she felt - and really, she's only had two afternoons/evenings to get to know me. So, here's hoping that next Thursday goes well :) One thing that may help is that the oldest (well the two oldest really) are pretty protective of the youngest, even with their friends, so hopefully they will be able to help me comfort her a bit, as they did today.

I overcame a fear today (it's not gone, but at least I didn't let it get worse) - I drove a stick-shift car for the first time in close to 6 months, having only been practicing on and off for about a month and a half before that. I keep thinking most people my age would be ecstatic to find out they would have a car to use, but I must admit my reaction was a bit more like dread. So, the fact that I went out in the car at all is a pretty grand feat for me today. I stalled several times, often with people around me :p but each time I restarted the car quickly. And, thankfully I had the presence of mind to practice on the near empty streets around the house before going on an actual road - didn't stall out there at all - Yay!!! It's far from a smooth ride, but it's getting there. And, I'm actually not that terrible when shifting gears. It's more the shift from being completely stopped to first gear (and starting on hills - shudder- I hate hills with a stick-shift).

I'll have a new experience to add to my CV/resume soon: Teaching english in an actual french classroom (not sure what age exactly, but fairly young children). The school that Clemence, Tim's wife, works at received permission for me to teach some classes, so lesson planning here-I-come! (Gahw - what am I getting myself into???) I just pray that I can help the kids with their English, even just a little bit, and not look too ridiculous, though looking ridiculous may help them remember the lessons better...  Anywho, if anyone has any suggestions or tips, let me know. All I know at this point is that they have to learn to introduce themselves, colors and numbers. Probably other things, too, but not sure, presently.

And, just a random little anecdote before I close for the night. Last Monday, I was filling my hot water bottle with water when I my hand slipped and I poured boiling water all over my left hand (which is the hand I burned at graduation a couple of years back - hadn't gotten all the lime juice residue off my skin and we where out in the scorching sun). I'm grateful that I brought calendula gel with me - I spent the next hour or so covering the burn every 5 or 10 minutes, but eventually it wouldn't stop throbbing and I decided to sleep with my hand in a pot of cold water - best idea ever. You couldn't even tell I had a burn, unless you knew it was there, the next morning.